Weather is a little warmer today, but over all it's been cooler and miserable and not worth taking the bike out. Hopefully in April the weather will kick into gear and I'll be out and about every day. It brings a welcomed smile to my face thinking about it. Still, I do want to venture out today. The less I feel like a hermit the better I feel. It's almost at times like these where I wish I had a really large pool of friends that I could just call up and spend time. But I'm happy with the friends I have, and I wouldn't trade a few close friends who I care about for a ton of friends that could give two shits less if I keeled over right now. Sorry, maybe I don't value how big my the number of "Friends" is listed on facebook. 

But today seems good nonetheless. I think I'll splurge and pick up a case of Guinness since I've been making homemade Vampires every now and then. Raspberry rum, Sprite, and Cran-Raspberry juice. Delicious. I've been trying to distance myself from the girly drinks, even though I'll always adore them. And I wish I had raspberry vodka instead. Oh well. 

Eventually got my 403-B stupid form signed as well. Well, half way, anyway. I'll need to call up the one place and ask them to provide a 403-B Authorization Form to provide, since that seems to be the last thing I need. Other than that, I went into work right when Queen Bitch Bonnie went to lunch, zipped right over to the treasurer and had her sign the form. Hah! You want to cause problems for me, then tough shit. It was a really rewarding feeling, but it sure beats rolling in there screaming and threatening them with lawyers if they didn't sign my papers. Even though I almost wish I would've gone that route. 

Then there's my Dad. Since my mailing address is still registered at my parent's place, they of course saw all these things that relate to unemployment. I'm sure he knows I lost my job, but I don't have the heart to confirm his fears. If there's anything I really don't want to deal with right now, it's my father feeling disappointed in me, or flipping out and marching into my old job and screaming at Bonnie. I try to get by through my problems as much as I possibly can without relying on anyone else's help. Maybe I just feel weaker and pathetic if I do? But I know I'll have to tell him sooner or later. And I'll feel like an awful shitty son when I do. 

God damnit.

Shit. This is just going to prolong things even longer than I want them to go. Sounds like how things usually go. Then I need to file unemployment, get my phone number to parents so I can babysit my adorable 2-year olds, and cart my sorry ass over to the college campus to inquire about things. It's slow going, especially when a wrench gets hocked into my system of things by someone who fired me without good apparent reason, and doesn't even know how to do her own job. It makes my brain want to leap from my skull and scurry off to "Sanity Land", because that's clearly not where I currently am.

Japan has been on my mind more and more as the news gets updated. One of my friend/acquaintance who lives over there is coming home. Then there's the power plant melt-down, who everyone when confronted with the topic, claims to be an expert on these things and how they work and what they should be doing. I have a very general understanding of the situation without people adding their tid-bits. What I know and recognize is the fear and hope that it doesn't go the route it seems it's going. No place on this rock deserves to have something of this criteria happen to them.

Time bums me out. Life bums me out. The world bums me out. Sure, if I had money I could donate it to helping people over there. If I had the means, I could zip over there and try to even help. Not as in the putting on a cape and being a super hero, but what I'd consider actually being a human being. Yet, we're stuck here on our ass in our own little specturm of the world, watching it being broad casted on the news and internet. Pray to a deity, that might save some lives. Or get to where things are happening and lend a helping hand. Either way, these things still happen. I don't even know where I'm going with this line of thought. Am I naive in wishing the world could just be butterflies with rainbows and happy all the time?

 I must be. 

Well, it's St. Patrick's Day, well, today. I'll go out and grab a drink with a few of my friends and my girl. Enjoy a Guinness and look forward to the next day. And the one after that. Some people don't even get to look that far.

Friday night wasn't such a bore after all. Sam ditched us for some other friends, but Jim and I went out to the bar to have a few drinks. Well, me with the few drinks. When the bartender asks if I want another Guinness it's too hard to say no. But either way, it was a fun outing, even if it was uneventful. Besides the whole watching Japan get ravaged by earthquakes and giant waves of death. Poor people, no one deserves to have everything swept or shaken away from them. I only hope that everyone manages to recover from it.

Speaking of Japan, my brother gave me a bunch of music and was talking to me about his own process of learning Japanese. Definitely slow going, but it'll be beneficial in the long run. I need to prep my mind in getting ready to take on a new language and the work that'll be involved in it. I can sit around all day saying I want to do this and wish I could do that, but actually buckling down and striving to do something is the tricky part. Duh. Still, there's no reason why I can't make it a fun process. That's what it's all about, right?

Roommate asked me to go to a party tonight, and I'm not sure how to comply. While parties are fun, I hate going to parties where there's only one person I know there. Secondly, I always feel bad drinking other people's alcohol when I'm not contributing. Third, he said he didn't want to drive, and if he did drive, we'd be spending the night. And I sure as hell don't want to drive since I have no idea where this place is. Plus I'm beat from running about today so I don't really feel like going, let alone staying up until 4:00 in the morning, with daylight savings. Shit. Maybe I'll just stay home and watch Heroes and play Pokemon. Or keep at Dragon Age deux. Or actually go and get completely blasted. 

Oh the choices.

Since I pile-drived Dragon Age 2 already, I'm going for round two. Except now I'm stuck on a Friday night with nothing to do. The roommates don't seem to keen on going to the bar, and I'm left twiddling my thumbs until I figure out what to do. Did someone call for Captain Indecisive? Because, he sure as hell is already in the building. Languages to learn, books to read, movies to watch, games to play, and I sit unsure what to do until eventually I accomplish absolutely nothing.

At least the weather seems to be fair tomorrow. Meaning that I can get up to my parents place, do my laundry, drop off my W2 and bring my motorcycle back to my apartment. Whoo boy. Nice weather? Yeah, a comfortable 56 degrees I suppose is considered nice when we've been dealing with winter's bullshit for the past months. What's taking so long, Spring? Get your act together and hop to it. Except leave the bugs at the door. Thanks.

Maybe I should buy a bottle of wine. Or a case of Guinness? I guess we'll see how the cards fall.

Looking back, I'm not sure what my past-self expect me to become. That, or if I would even like my would-be future self. When I was 14 and worried about school, did I think that I would be the person I am today? I always end up asking myself questions that I never have answers to, but that's besides the point. 

Here I am, sitting at 21 years old. In an apartment with my friends, recently fired from my job which I enjoyed. Well, mostly enjoyed. It's kind of a bummer when you get singled out by a new director of a business that doesn't like you, and hones in on your every move. Doing whatever she can to try and get you fired, then eventually pulling the plug. Yeah, that's just fantastic. But boy do I miss my little two year olds who loved me. I think what bothers me most is that I'm cut out of their lives and they just have to "Deal with it", due to a person in charge making a decision that has no actual bearing on... Well, anything really. I suppose I should be happy, really. That I'm out of that situation, out away from the people that are complete morons who will drive a company into the dirt. But it still bums me out. I've been considering calling up some of the parents and offering myself as a babysitting service. Really prestigious, right? But I'd enjoy it, and it'd be fun being with the kids again. 

Yet, here I am. Would my past self pictured the 21 year old me with piercings, a tattoo, driving a motorcycle, and now fired? I can picture in my mind, my youngin' self looking at me with his arms crossed and shaking his head. Yeah, yeah, 14-year-old-me. I know, I know. 

Either way, it isn't that terrible. I have money to tide me over until I start college, and this will give me a chance to brush up on my french and start learning japanese. You know, piece of cake. Except for the part where it's not a piece of cake. Shit. However, even though it is raining now, tomorrow and the weekend should be nice. Which means I'll be able to get the bike from my parent's garage and finally bring it over back to my apartment. 

Take that, winter! You think you're better than me? Well, fuck you! Getting some riding back into my day will definitely do me some good. And change the oil. And get it inspected. And blow my money on a bunch of other crap I wish I didn't have to. Every day keeps risings, regardless if we have a shitty day or an amazing one. That's what will continue to happen, and making each day fun and exciting is the challenge.

Or something like that, anyway.