Every day just seems to get better than the last. Better and better. Like a balloon that floats with happiness. I think I'd be a purple balloon. Or maybe a green one. I like green. Can't you tell?

Oh noes! The world is ending! Not really. Just thought I'd insert that.

Odd. As the suggested tags, I get: "balloon, balloon pop, black balloon, green day". What the crap? Where did I use the color, or word for that matter, black, in my previous sentence? I said purple and green, you fools! Anyways.

Alrighty. Thoughts have been hijacked. Again. Kaycie. <3

Tonight, and today, and the last day, was interesting. Firstly: Bomb threat at school. Oh noes! Eh, not really. Just some stupid ass prank by some idiot. Go figure. Third last day of school and someone writes "There's a bomb in the school" on the bathroom wall, and everyone goes bonkers. Gasp! We're doomed! Oh noes! Meh. I have no opinion. Watch some CIA guys in spiffy black suits kick down my door and drag me off in the middle of the night for questioning or something. That'd be interesting.

Today, has completed the second last day of school. (Minus the finals.) Kaycie never leaves my thoughts, and I look greatly forward into coming home and talking to her because, Kaycie makes Nik very happy. Nik likes being happy. Nik likes Kaycie verrrrrrry much. Yay! Anyways. Finished the disgusting Pig-dissection lab today. No more hacking up the corpse of a fetal pig. Woo! Finished a movie in school which was actually good. Fell asleep in french class again. (Oops.) Math teacher wanted to go outside today, but my idiot class had to soil his happy mood and make him angry so no outsideness. On top of that, he's grading the stupid review packet that I didn't work on at all. So yay for 0/25 points. Eh. Not too pressed about it. I've done alot of work in that class. If doing all my math homework during lunch prior to the class is classified as "work". Meh. One more day tomorrow. Just. One. More. Day. I can make it! I have Kaycie to look forward to! I'll have the wonderful summer to occupy my time with talking to her and playing WoW with her, and PvPing my brains out in the process. Alterac Valley, here I come! I see much Horde-smiting in the future. Ph34r my l337 skillz. Punks. One of these days I'm going to go into AV with my shovel equipped and dish out a beating.  /flex. I know. I'm very scary.

Kaycie makes Nik very happy. Nik can't put into words how happy Kaycie makes him. Nik really needs to stop referring to himself in third person.

..Oh. Right.

And there's a new version of MSN messenger available! As the little pop up window has so wonderfully taken time out of its busy day to inform me. I feel so.. touched that the electronic messenging world has taken the time to tell me of these things! ... I really need to stop using that. All I need is Yahoo to talk to Kaycie and I'll be set.

Kaycie.

Eeeeeee...

Alright. Enough sounding like a giddy school boy. Even if I am. And dorky. And that whole shabang. She doesn't mind me reading her Xanga thingy, which I'm very glad. She wrote about me today, making me feel like the bestest and specialist person on the freaking planet because she has feelings for me. Because she cares for me. Because she's the sweetest, awesomest, perfectest (Perfectest? Is that a word? It is now!) girl in the world. I really don't care if she's far away from me. Yes, it makes me a very sad panda when I want to cuddle up with her and hold her close, and give her hungs, and hold her hand.... You get the idea. But I've found her. I've found her. Let me decode the [Nik-Speak]. As I've probably stated in way, way, way earlier entries, I've never been good with this relationship crap. I've always wanted to have someone there, someone special, someone that would love me. And care about me, and all that jazz that goes along with the word "Love". I've always been searching, searching for that girl who I dream about at night. Who, in my dreams, holds me close and makes it known that I'm loved. No, empty your dirty minds. No sex dreams, sorry. Anyways. I've always looked for that girl in my dreams, that girl who I know I'd eventually find when I gave up hope, when I was ready to say goodbye to Mother Earth, despite all the world has done for me. And, well. I gave up hope. Not on purpose. As much as I like to trick life into getting my own way, I was tired. I was sad. I didn't want to wake up anymore. But I did. And I found her. Well, rather. She found me. I have no idea what compelled me to check my old email address, and rooting through the 419 new messages that I had, and stumbling across her email. I have no idea. But she found me. Gah, I'm an idiot. Acting like I found her and I didn't do anything at all.

But, I'm so happy.

She's unlike anyone I've ever met before. I mean, I've met kind and sweet people before, but she's different. She makes me smile when no one else can. She ignites a feeling inside me that I've never felt with anyone before. She makes me feel that I'm important, that I matter, that I'm cared about. Have I ever had that feeling before now? I'm not sure. I really don't think so. Maybe at one point with Joanne.. but she didn't know me. And once she did, that affection or whatever it was quickly ceased. Fun, eh? But Kaycie is practically opposite of Joanne. While I love gushy romances and cuddling and hugs and squee, I've always wanted to be with someone who I could just be silly with, be myself, have fun, ect, and not worry. Not worry about anything.

That's her.

My mind is glued on Kaycie, and, alright, I'm slightly worried that my crazy and unstable emotions are gonna explode and scare her off. But you know what? That's a bunch of crap in my head filled by my doubting self conciousness. I know Kaycie won't be scared off by me. I know she likes who I am and how I am. And I trust her. I really do. I can be myself and not worry about being molded into something I'm not. I can dream about holding her tightly in my skinny boney and dorky arms and have her dreaming about the same (Minus my self doubting details. Yay?) She draws things for me which I'm not going to share here because I adore her so much. I'm falling so deeply in love with this girl who lives half way across the country and I can't stop it. I can't stop these feelings.

But, I don't want to, either.

A few months ago I was really scared. I didn't know who I was, or what I am inside. How should I feel? How should I be? What do I like and enjoy? What do I love and what do I hate? I don't know. And I think I'm starting to find myself with her help. She really helps me more than she knows, and I want to tell her that, even if she ends up reading this before I do so. She's been my guiding light that has dispelled the darkness in my life. I've never had someone care about me like this. I've never had someone feel like I do. Granted, probably not to an excessive level like my own attachment.. But still! I have Kaycie. She makes me so happy. I wish I could even begin to put into words the details of that simple sentence. I know I've said it alot, and maybe eventually wearing down the meaning of it or something. But to me it just gets hammered in with every word that comes from her. Making me happier and happier. She draws pictures for me, and I really wish I could do the same, but all I have are my silly words that a jumbled in a head as I try to string them out in an intelligent sounding sentence.

Can I be any happier?

She found me. But every new day becomes the happiest of my life. I guess I am kinda young, but its because of her. Kaycie. My mind is stuck. I'm ready to cry I'm so happy. But she's offline for the moment. I'll stay up until she gets back. I really didn't get to see her much tonight due to the viewing thingy, but I want to. Really badly. I wish I could talk to her on TS right now, but my parents are downstairs and would flay me alive if they knew I was awake. Not that I can sleep in my current state (Or any state, for that matter). Nik is a happy panda. I'll have to look for some new happy panda pictures so I can post.

Last day of school tomorrow!

/cough.

I mean, yeah. Last day. Woo. Not that.. I'm excited.. or anything..

Oh god. I'm so freaking crazy about Kaycie. If love is a 2x4, I'm being smacked upside the head with it. I'm going to stop now since I made the biggest fool out of myself, and Kaycie will probably end up reading this. Eh, not that I have to worry. I adore my Kaycie. Not that she's really "mine", but well, I really like that girl.

Can't you tell?

I suppose I can occupy myself while rooting through saved conversations. Er. Not that I.. save.. conversations.. or anything...

Yeah.